i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
