i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
