having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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