just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
