Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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