woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
