at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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