Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
