If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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