Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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