Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
