boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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