walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
