Jerry, you need to find god
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
