dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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