I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
