Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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