I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
