Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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