Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
