I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
