I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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