last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
