she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
