Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
