sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
