Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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