I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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