i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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