where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
