I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
