giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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