just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
