I got chris browned last night
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
