when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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