he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
