we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize