I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
