just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
