Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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