I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Randomize
