I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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