Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
