today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
