Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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