so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
