You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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