Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
