Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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