Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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