I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
