NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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