Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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