the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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