They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
