My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
