I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
