You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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