Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your cock deserves a montage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
