Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
