so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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