Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
