I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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