well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
