omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
