We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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