dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
