i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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